My fellow Pomonians, as part of the release of new technologies to bring us in to the 21st Century, following the opening of Pomona’s first teleport station next to the Fox Theater, this week Califernia Edimon, the local electric company, will begin installing fuelless electric utility boxes throughout Pomona neighborhoods. The boxes, requiring no input of fuel or other energies, each generate approximately 300kw of electricity per hour, enough to power approximately 50 homes each. Several boxes will be installed in each neighborhood and district of the city to dramatically reduce the need for fossil fuels and foster greater local energy independence.
Judy Joy, the President of Califernia Edimon, in a ecstatic press conference demonstrated the new boxes. “They are essentially like a battery that never runs out of power, and they adjust their output to accommodate the demands of the local neighborhood!” Standing next to one of the boxes, they are about the size of a large travel suitcase. “With no moving parts, plates of nickel, silver, and tungsten are placed next to each other in a specific structure which creates a monumental static charge that when collected can power virtually anything!”
Over the next year, specific target cities, including Pomona will be retrofitted with the boxes. She also expressed that as these changes occur that we should see a dramatic drop in our overall cost of electricity. Joy went on, “We look forward to the day when everyone will be free of the use of fossil fuels, when we will live truly ‘green’ lives. That day is at hand. Now!”
As with the recent announcement of teleport stations throughout the globe, including in our dear city of Pomona, U.S. President Bernard Oberman spoke again before the press from the White House Rose Garden. “The Gulf Oil Spill, and the oil economy has taken a great toll on our environment and on the people of our nation and the world. This week, as part of a plan to openly release of these technologies, governments and industries are working to make free, limitless, clean energy available now, to all people! A new age of truly clean energy begins today. No more oil spills ever again.”
Randal Run, CEO for Big Gulping Oil Co. expressed optimism concerning this latest release of technology, “We look forward to this opportunity to restructure our industry. There is still a need for fossil fuels in our world to provide products, such as plastics and other products, and for natural gas.” He expressed that he is personally looking forward to getting his automobile retrofitted now with the technology to never need to fill-up ever again. “Yes, we are now planning to greatly scale back everything we do, to limit our drilling now only to land-based wells, to dismantle many of our refineries, and to help our current employees find jobs in other industries.”
Along with President Oberman’s recent address, U.S. Secretary of Employment Freda Frankel made a press release yesterday announcing that with these new technologies, that she was working with congressional committees now to dramatically reduce the “full-time” work week to 20 hours and to provide easy grants to those desiring to start new business in the new economy. “It’s time for us all to think about and create our lives anew,” she wrote.
In a recent city council meeting, Pomona mayor Marcy Marigold exclaimed, “With the opening of the teleport station I declared that ‘The day of the Jetsons has arrived!’ and now it’s with electricity NO LIMITS!!!”
Local business owners have spoken about their excitement. Dillon Delighted, owner of Sunday Solar, a solar electric installation business in Pomona said, “We understand that this is going to revolutionize our business, instead of installing an array of solar panels, we will now be simply installing a box, and it will give them the power even on the cloudy days!” Delighted went on, “People are still going to want energy independence, and we will be able to deliver it.” Gertrude Melville, owner of three restaurants in Pomona expressed, “Once I have my businesses retrofitted, I’ll never have to pay utilities again!”
Ralph Rotund, who has lived in Pomona for 11 years now said, “This is gonna be great! No more high summer utility bills running my A/C!” Lois Lowenthal, who grew up in Pomona said, “I’m just glad that we’re finally really going green.”
Janice Oleander who lives and works in Pomona as a general contractor expressed, “This still won’t make homes energy efficient. We might all be able to use 100 watt light bulbs without a second thought now, but isn’t that wasteful? I can’t wait til, in coming weeks, when Oberman tells us that the construction industry will not be building new homes again using wood and steel frames, when we’ll only be building with cobb, strawbale, and rammed earth.”
Caroline Crenoline who has domiciled in the Garfield Park neighborhood for 24 years spoke a similar sentiment, “Yes, now that we have free limitless electricity, it is wonderful, but at the same time, I still do want to use care in how I live.”
(Yes Pomona, it is another dreamed up news story! Alright now, if only we can live the dream. :) )